It's a process

So, I've been sending chapters of my fic to Mickey and she's been saying great things. She's got me inspired and everything, I've been writing a lot lately. At first I thought it would be mostly editing but it actually takes me a while to put it together properly. I tend to write stuff that are not really connected and well I have to have to make some sense!
I took a piece from and old fic to show you what I've doing these couple of days. This is what you'd see after I wrote it:

Did you get into a fight? How do you know? Because you both look like you want to kill someone. Kill each other you mean. Oh, it's that bad then, what was it about? A tattoo. She wants a tattoo? Yeah 2 stars on the back of her neck. I think she told me something about that, and you didn't want her to get it. Well I just told her that I didn't like the design because it had my name on it, I mean what if we happened to break up? But then I told her that it was her body and she could do what she wanted. And she got mad you said you might break up? No, she took my name out of the design and said 'I guess we'll never be at that level'. Ouch. I know so I got mad and told her that I've never been in this level with anyone else, what does she expect? She said 'nothing, I'm happy where we are but if this make you uncomfortable I just won't do it' I don't get it, she told me herself that she thought it wasn't a good idea, what the hell happened? You happened man. Don't- oh God, she just twisted her ankle didn't she? She did. She's calling the trainer, it's bad.

It's exactly like that, no extra spaces, just like that...Who would understand that?! Now read this:

Marat was sitting on the player box as Dylan was warming up with her opponent. Her practice partner, Taylor arrived and sat next to him, with one look at his face he said: "Did you get into a fight?"
"How do you know?" Asked Marat surprised.
"Because you both look like you want to kill someone." He said noticing that Dylan was hitting particularly hard and the other girl looked a little worried.
"Kill each other you mean." Marat corrected. He had his arms folded over his chest.
"Oh, it's that bad then, what was it about?" Said Taylor curiously.
"A tattoo." Marat answered very bitterly.
"She wants a tattoo?" Asked Taylor thinking that he didn't see how that was a problem.
"Yeah 2 stars on the back of her neck."
"I think she told me something about that, and you didn't want her to get it." Remembering she had mentioned some day after practice.
"Well I just told her that I didn't like the design because it had my name on it, I mean what if we happened to break up? But then I told her that it was her body and she could do what she wanted."
"And she got mad you said you might break up?" Knowing that she had quite the temper.
"No, she took my name out of the design and said 'I guess we'll never be at that level'."
"Ouch." Said Taylor thinking that was a direct blow to the ego.
"I know so I got mad and told her that I've never been in this level with anyone else, what does she expect? She said 'nothing, I'm happy where we are but if this make you uncomfortable I just won't do it' I don't get it, she told me herself that she thought it wasn't a good idea, what the hell happened?"
"You happened man." Taylor answered simply.
"Don't-" He started to say, feeling that he knew that he was going to try to soften him up. He stopped when she tumbled down and ended up the floor. "oh God, she just twisted her ankle didn't she?" And he half-rose from his chair.
"She did". Confirmed Taylor with a very worried look on his face
"She's calling the trainer, it's bad."

There you go, that make not make sense either, but it's readable for people who are not as demented as me! Now The one Mickey is reading is not nearly as bad as this, this one was my first, and I started typing the most recent one and it had a little more description and all that, but I still have to put stuff together and that's what I've been doing lately.