You start out with one thing...

I got some cute photos of Robbie today and I thought I'd share.

This made my morning today. They're getting so big and I miss them so much, that I always love seeing photos of them, specially with Robbie looking so awesome in that bike and wearing the Queen shirt that I bought him, (I was singing Somebody to Love today in my car like an insane person, lol).

The last few days have been weird because I've been doubting myself a lot and just being really harsh and negative towards myself so it's really good to have something that actually cheers me up. I'm aware how much that sounds like I'm just calling for attention or wanting someone to say all these things to make me feel better, but I swear I'm not.
It's just been a difficult week for me and I need to accept those emotions and try to deal with them because otherwise it'll get worse in the long run. I'm trying to be better at dealing with myself when I get like that and not call attention to it, like staying away from twitter, just because I feel like I'm annoying people around me when I talk about feeling that way. My defense mechanism is to be silly and not take myself to seriously because it's the easiest way to stop obsessing. It's just easier for me to concentrate on random things and to try and get over myself than actually admitting how bad I feel about myself sometimes.

It's getting better, though. The small things cheer me up, it just takes a lot longer to get out of this mood than to get into it. And I'm sorry.... this started out as a kiddie post and it ended up in a rant, I guess I'm feeling a lot more than I thought, lol. This helped a little bit too.

To be or not to be... green?

This post is slightly preachy, so be warned!

So yesterday I hadn't slept too well and I decided not to go to my first class and it was a good decision but I was also glad for another reason.
The last few classes that particular professor has been discussing environmental laws here in the States and this of course led to the talk about global warming. He was trying to explain that there have been crazes like this every few years, (for example, the hole in the ozone layer) and that there are more things affecting the climate than we think. He went on to talk about solar spots and how they affect us, and to explain how if the poles melt the water level will go down instead of up, (because water expands when it's frozen) and how we just think that we've never had this type of heat before because we're not used to it since we have air conditioning, (apparently when there wasn't you'd grow used to it during the summer).

I'll admit that I was sitting there mostly shaking my head at most of what he said but I guess I have to respect different opinions. It doesn't mean it didn't bug me when he said, "Well, think about the size of the sun compared to the Earth and wonder if the emissions from your car really have more effect in our climate."

I mean, really? Okay, so you don't believe in global warming, but is that really a reason to not care at all? It just sounded like he was saying that we can go back to being wasteful because it's not us changing the climate. I couldn't disagree more.

Let's pretend for a moment that there's no scientific proof of the water levels rising, or that the four stations are no longer limited as they used to be, or that after the clean air laws the air has become considerably easier to breathe and there's practically no smog (unless you live in California)... is that really an excuse to not care at all?

I'm not saying everyone should go 100% green. I'd be a hypocrite because I'm not that way, myself and sadly, a lot of environmentally friendly products are expensive. But it seems to me that there's little things we can all do. I don't think it's really that hard to put your plastic bottle on the recycling bin instead of the trash, or try to buy notebooks or papers that are made from recycled materials. It's definitely not that hard to pick an eco-friendly light bulb at the store or buy re-usable sponges instead of paper towels. Or maybe get a water filter and buy a reusable bottle instead of buying bottled water every time we go out.

Not everyone has to do everything... I, for instance, can't get into carpooling because I don't like depending on someone else to get to school and back home. But I do have a power strip where all my chargers are and I turn it off every time I leave the house. There's really no good service for recycling in my neighborhood, but there is at school. And some have benefits too... like Music for Relief, if I wanna give a cool gift to someone I can buy a shirt at their store and now that the proceeds are helping.

I just think it's irresponsible to be wasteful just because we can.

Ice

I don't even know if I have much to write. I just feel like blowing off some steam somehow.

Today was my first meeting with one of my groups for my group projects. To begin, I don't know one person on the team, I know it's how it works in the real world but it's not a pleasant thing to work with people you don't know.

To follow that up, they came up with an idea I don't really like but they insisted it was good and didn't really listen to what I said and I didn't feel like arguing because god, it was 4 and it was snowing and I just wanted to get home to be honest. And went I put forward another idea, they rejected it right away and it felt like my opinion didn't matter so I didn't participate much for the rest of the meeting. I have a feeling that I'm just gonna do what they ask of me in that group to get the project done and that's it. It's all documentation anyway and as long as I go to the meetings and do what they need, it should be fine.

So, I was walking to my car, freezing my butt off because it had snowed and the breeze was terrible and of course, I slipped on the ice and fell because I was already feeling down so something needed to be added to that, lol. So I didn't think it was that bad at the time, because my foot when forward and my other knee hit the ground and I had a lamp post to hold on to... but right now it's pretty swollen and it hurts quite a bit despite the pain killers. I hope it'll be better tomorrow, I seriously don't want a painful bruise on that knee that tends to hurt anyway.

So yeah, I don't know what that was but it felt like an odd day after noon. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better. I have a lot of work to do the next few days with a paper and the part of the project that was assigned to me so there will be a lot of writing for me. Thank god my job is flexible enough to allow me time to do stuff like that, otherwise I don't know what I would do.

I just reviewed my mom's homework (that always makes me smirk, lol), wrote a message to someone that's been putting up with my clinginess for a few days and I'm gonna head to bed. Hopefully, the weirdness ends tonight at some point, lol.

Strawberry Lollipop

I'm eating a strawberry lollipop to see if my issues come from a lack of sugar, lol.

It's been a weird day today. Well, truth be told I've been sensitive since yesterday and I have no idea why. I don't know if it's because I'm not sleeping well or if my hormones are playing tricks on me... but it's seriously annoying.

Yesterday I felt seriously bad with some misunderstanding there was in the office with the renting of the rooms we have for meetings and how a girl that came in here treated me, even though I know she had every right to be upset. And then I got upset when I told a couple of people and they didn't agree with me.

Today, I've been insanely hard on myself feeling like a complete idiot just for a few silly things that any other day I would have laughed off and ignored. I've felt stupid, clumsy, uncreative and useless and a whole lot more stuff on a very short period of time. I have no idea how to stop this mood but totally sucks. Maybe I should stay away from people for a bit because it's not really their fault that I'm taking things way too seriously at the moment.

I mean, seriously... I'm even upset about not watching the Australian Open. I mean, I love tennis, but the difference with Australia is like 15 hours and I'm obviously gonna miss some matches and it makes no sense that it'd be upset about it, specially right now in the early rounds. But I was yesterday because I couldn't even catch the re-run of Roger's match and then when it was live I barely paid any attention at all. I don't get it.

I just don't like so many negative feelings and emotions because those are really had to push away sometimes. It's so much easier to focus on the bad and the ugly that changing your attitude takes a lot of work. I think it might be the stress of getting back into the routine and trying to figure myself out that's got me on a negative mindset but I hope it passes by quickly because it's seriously draining.